70 Funny Monday Jokes to Get You Through the Week

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Funniest Monday jokes

• How do you survive Monday without coffee?
  You don’t. This is a trick question.

• What do you call a Monday that actually goes smoothly?
  Suspicious.

• What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
  An alarm clock.

• What’s the difference between Monday and a vampire?
  At least vampires wait until dark to suck the life out of you.

• Why did the skeleton do so badly in school on Mondays?
  His heart wasn’t in it.

• Why didn’t the skeleton show up to work on Monday?
  He didn’t have the guts.

• Why did the woman go to sleep in her herb garden on Sunday night?
  So she would wake up on thyme.

• What can you eat to make the first day of the workweek better?
  An ice cream mundae.

• Why does Monday suck so hard?
  If it didn’t, it would be called Friday!

• What’s the difference between disco and Mondays?
  Mondays are unfortunately here to stay.

• Why was the broom late for school on Monday?
  He over-swept.

• When do robots shop for the best deals?
  Cyborg Monday.

• What’s Pikachu’s favorite day of the week?
  Poké-Monday.

• Why did Monday break up with Sunday?
  Because Sunday kept saying “See you tomorrow” in that really ominous tone.

• What’s the saddest part of the week?
  Monday mourning.

• How are Mondays like math class?
  They have a lot of problems.

• What’s Monday’s favorite genre of music?
  The blues.

• What’s worse than a Thanksgiving where the turkey burns to a crisp and the pie is eaten by the dog?
  Monday.

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Monday dad jokes

• Why do they call it Monday?
  Because Worstday made people think it was a day for sausages.

• Why don’t coffee beans ever get tired, even on Monday?
  They have a latte energy.

• What’s a barista’s favorite Monday-morning mantra?
  Rise and grind!

• Why did the woman sit on her watch on Monday morning?
  Because she wanted to be on time for work.

• When does Monday always come before Sunday?
  In the dictionary.

• Why did the calendar maker go to prison?
  Monday laundering.

• Why doesn’t Monday ever get speeding tickets?
  It always goes by so slowly.

• What did the tortilla chips say when they got back to the office after the weekend?
  “I got a queso the Mondays.”

• How do coffee beans greet each other on Monday mornings?
  “Have a brew-tiful week!”

• What did the banana say on Monday?
  “This day isn’t a-peel-ing.”

• What do you call Mondays without any appointments?
  Meetless Mondays.

• What does an astronaut call the start of a week?
  Moon-day.

• What’s a cow’s favorite day of the week?
  Moo-nday.

• What’s a fish’s favorite day of the week?
  Salmon-day.

• What’s fruit’s favorite day of the week?
  Lemon-day.

• Why did the comedian bomb on Monday?
  Because it wasn’t pun-day!

• What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
  Unemployed.

• Why couldn’t Monday do pull-ups?
  Because Monday is a weak day.

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Monday puns

• I tried to make a pun about Monday, but it was pretty week.

• Mo’ Mondays, mo’ problems.

• Until I have my coffee on Mondays, I have a latte on my mind.

• I drink so much coffee on Mondays that I consider it part of my daily grind.

• Words cannot espresso how much coffee means to me on a Monday morning.

• Another moan-day morning!

• I’m done-day before Monday even starts.

• Monday isn’t won-day—it’s the day that beats you.

• Mondays are my week-ness.

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Monday knock-knock jokes

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Monday.
  Monday who?
  GO AWAY.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Howard.
  Howard who?
  Howard you feel if you had to work today?

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Donut.
  Donut who?
  Donut you dare hit the snooze button again.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Bean.
  Bean who?
  Bean awake for five minutes and I already need coffee.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Dewey.
  Dewey who?
  Dewey really have to go to work today?

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Muffin.
  Muffin who?
  Muffin prepared me to face Monday.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Needle.
  Needle who?
  Needle little help to get through Monday.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Butter.
  Butter who?
  Butter get out of bed.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Justin.
  Justin who?
  Justin time for work if you hurry!

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Anita.
  Anita who?
  Anita big cup of coffee right now.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Watt.
  Watt who?
  Watt do you mean it’s Monday?!

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Snow.
  Snow who?
  Snow use—you have to go to work today.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Terry.
  Terry who?
  Terryfied of my inbox right now.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Weekend.
  Weekend who?
  Weekend believe it’s Monday either.

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Monday one-liners

• I couldn’t decide if I should get out of bed Monday morning, so I decided to sleep on it.

• I made a huge to-do list for this Monday—now I just need to find someone to do it.

• I can’t make it to work on Monday because I have a vision problem—I can’t see myself coming in.

• Coffee isn’t safe in my house—every Monday morning, it gets mugged.

• A case of the Mondays? I don’t even want a bottle of the Mondays!

• It’s Monday—send snacks and prayers.

• Monday is the only day of the week that comes with its own theme song: the sound of your alarm clock mixed with your soul leaving your body.

• May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.

• They say Monday is a fresh start, which is technically true—it’s a fresh start to counting down until Friday.

• Monday-morning coffee isn’t a beverage—it’s a life-support system with cream and sugar.

• I’m so good at sleeping through my alarm, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this story on Monday jokes, Laura Beck tapped her 15-plus years of experience as a professional humor writer for TV shows and magazines. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.